I was around three
(it was no later - my sisters hadn’t been born at the time)
My father was watching a movie with two of my uncles
I was busy playing
Trying to use my donkey as a drum kit
Hmm, maybe not as fully committed social issues as I thought
In my defence - it was a toy donkey
Though if you’re thinking of using one as a substitute drum kit
Don’t bother, they make nothing more than a dull thud wherever you hit them
(life is full of amazing lessons)
And that’s not an endorsement to go and try it out on a real donkey!
Though I was happily bashing away
(that sounds so wrong)
I was still observing
In the movie
A western
(yeah, you’d think the donkey was for the western - but no, drums)
A guy was shot dead
My father and my uncles burst into laughter (must've been a comedy)
My immediate reaction was to tell them off for laughing at someone being killed
I found it strange that they had
They were somewhat surprised by my reaction
And concerned
“It’s only a movie, it’s not real…don’t get upset”
I pointed out that it made no difference
As they were still laughing over somebody getting killed
I just couldn't understand why they'd get pleasure from that
One of my uncles
Uncle C
Was particularly concerned by my reaction
He always made a big effort
So I was always happy when he visited
One day
He arrived back with my father
I was pleased to see him
(as I was my Dad, but obviously I saw my Dad every day)
The way I greeted Uncle C had an impact on my father
And he made a comment
“He seems more happy to see Uncle C”
I was so surprised
I didn’t mean it that way
I loved my Dad dearly
(he sadly passed early 2020 - love you Dad)
There was no way I could have my Dad thinking that he was less loved (or less important) to me
So at that moment
I decided to make sure that from the next time on
I'd always make it very clear
That he’s the person I’m most happy to see
It sounds ridiculous
That a child of three would be taking into consideration the feelings of adults
Managing his actions
But I felt I had to
The way I had acted had impinged negatively on him
Whether his remark was in jest or not
I wasn’t going to take the risk
Many years later
When the Harrods’ bomb went off
I was no more than thirty feet away
Hmm, weirdly there is a link to Uncle C
He was the one who explained what Harrods was when I was just a kid
As we drove towards it one evening
Their lights stood out (as they do)
I asked what the building was
And he explained
That memory stuck
Unknowingly, moving just few steps immediately before the bomb blast
Amazingly meant I got away with only the odd glass splinter in the back of my jacket
My remark and assumption
That it was just another bomb scare
May seem very nonchalant to you
But it saved me
I turned away with my colleague
(as we'd seen so many false alarms)
And we both inadvertently avoided the direct impact
If we stayed where we were
Standing outside, looking directly at the vehicle where the bomb was placed
(obviously unknown to us)
We may not not have been here now
My colleague (who is still a good friend)
Was 19, I was 21
I’ll cover the full story elsewhere
But you can imagine
The mayhem around you was so hard to get your head around
One moment you've life as you know it
An instant later, chaos like you’ve never seen (or would ever want to see again)
It was such a surreal experience
Because I was unhurt and witnessing something almost dreamlike (nightmare)
But concurrently and contrarily
It was also very real
The massive, living and breathing balls of fire that were only feet away
Soon wake you up to the fact that it's no dream
Learnt a lot about our perception of time
Experienced a frightening practical demonstration
Of a key point I'd learnt
During my studies and training as an engineer
(which were aborted early due to recession and redundancy)
I learnt a lot about selfless bravery
I'm not talking BS showcase bravery that self-satisfies one's ego
But true bravery
And not talking of mine
The experience has made me braver
No doubt
But I'm talking bravery of another
In a moment of such horror
A few brief seconds of opportunity
Is all you have
Fail to act
And you've missed it
Moments after the blast
Our tailor ran out past me
He didn't care about the flames
He cut a man free with his tailoring scissors
As the man's clothes were entangled on a part of a car
(more a flaming car wreckage)
And he was screaming for help
As our tailor ran past me
I psyched myself up mentally
I had to run out and help too
But
Those few brief seconds were it
The Police screamed at us
"Get back in! There could be more!"
My chance had gone
A moment of contemplation
Had cost me
The opportunity had passed
I could only watch
Our tailor's bravery
From behind the arms of Policemen
After the traumatic events
We were instructed to regroup
At a pub we all knew on Sloane Street
We all tried to get our head around what had happened
I spent my time talking to our tailor
Kostas was Greek Cypriot
He was much older
But a great colleague
I don't think he ever got any recognition
And he was so humble and unassuming
He wouldn't have wanted any fuss
But I'm stating it here
He was a TRUE hero!
I don't know what happened to him
We lost touch
But his children or grandchildren
Can be so proud
If he ever told them the story
It was true
He was out there
Without any hesitation
Kostas was no Hollywood actor
Waiting for his cue
He was the real thing!
I was so disappointed with myself
I missed the opportunity
I could have helped
He gave me words of solace
Told me I shouldn't be hard on myself
There was only a brief opportunity to help
He had been in a war
Had friends die in front of him
He didn't need to think
He knew the drill
I'd not had any preparation
Never seen the likes of such
And hopefully never would again
(though it wasn't to be the last time that I'd be confronted by huge fireballs)
They were kind words
But I still felt bad
The lessons of that day were hard
A split second can change your life
It can even take it away
So in that respect
I count myself blessed
This can be a very cruel world
People can be vicious
Have little regard or respect for life
I learnt the hard way
When it comes down to the crunch
There's no use
Being a spectator
Watching things go down
I promise you
Sometimes we just have to do something
And that goes for life
And our world
Are we going to miss our chance?
We may only have a brief window of opportunity
Let's not waste it pondering
I learnt a lot about life
And a lot about myself
Experiencing it first-hand
Was one hell of a way to be shown that real life tragedies
Are a very far cry from the glam of Hollywood!
For as in that western
There's a sense of detachment
From the harsh realities of life and death
How many of us live within that protected cocoon?
My works are simply observations
As I’ve stated elsewhere
If you don’t get it, or like it
I won’t be offended
I’ve nothing to prove!
Faced up to my creator
Head on
For my failings
Stepped out of this packaged blur
We call life
And started valuing and appreciating
The true blessings